Sunday, April 15, 2007

Weekend Update


This was a good weekend for reflection, if I do say so myself.... Friday night I hung out alone and didn't do much of anything - I needed it. The week was a bit rough as it was the first time that I came close to having the 'first breakdown' since moving out here. I'm still waiting for it, but I have a feeling that the floodgates will open when the time comes...

I had ordered pictures early in the week from my going away party and the last weekend that I was at home when some of my closest friends and family came by to see me. I miss everybody so much right now and feel pretty disconnected from the little community I was so familiar with and accustomed to back home. Looking at the pictures, I saw the love, support, and friendship that has taken years to gain and I wonder if I will ever find it out here. I know I will, but it isn't happening soon enough - patience has never been one of my virtues!

Sometimes I want to tell people that they don't 'really know me' and that it should be some sort of disclaimer when I meet somebody for the first time. You all know me well enough and how I am when I'm around you and at this point, I feel that my true personality isn't coming out yet. Why is that? Maybe it's the fear of being rejected, not fitting in, or not finding the niche that I long to find.... I miss laughing at funny stories that I hear about your kids, I miss hugs that I get when I walk into your house, and I miss just being me. It will come, I know it will, but I just don't feel comfortable enough around these new people to really open up - and when/if I do, nobody listens. This is something that I'm having a hard time getting used to - people out here would rather talk about themselves, interrupt a story that you're in the middle of, or blatantly not pay attention. It's making me want to do the same back to them, but I know that's not right, either.

Aside from that (toot - that's my pity party horn right there!), I was able to go out last night and experience something pretty cool. I went to an Art Walk that happens every 2nd Saturday of each month and went to a little area downtown where one of my coworkers' husband had some photos up for sale. They were amazing - very beautiful and most were taken outdoors. You know which one I liked the most? The up close picture of a chain link fence with ice thick around the wire - it was in black and white and very cool how the sun was reflecting through the little shiny pieces of ice... oh, and a very pretty plate of sushi :)

I left this little cafe and went out to eat with a girl who invited me along in her group, which was very nice. I made 6 new friends last night and they wanted me to call them and hang out more often! Yay for me.... I then met up with some people from the church I attended last weekend and we walked around a bunch of shops (I saw a desk lamp for $575 - it must have done work FOR your or something) - we ended our night at a little restaurant that seemed tucked away and very small from the outside. I was transfixed once we entered and sat down for the show. It was flamenco dancing! There was a guy playing the guitar (he looked like Kerry's husband, Justin), another man singing, and two beautiful women dancing on a very small stage. It was probably one of the most emotional displays of dancing that I've ever seen before - I had no idea what they were singing, but the women had facial expressions and body movements that told the story for us. They would clap in different ways to make the beats flow with the guitar and stomp their feet for added emphasis - I loved it! I wonder if I can join a flamenco dancing club around here? :)

To add more joy to my weekend, I attended a huge church in Granite Bay called Bayside this morning - I think I've found my new home (www.baysideonline.com) . It had the 'big' church feel that I've been missing - there were thousands of people sitting in this auditorium and the message was one that was meant for me after the week I've had.... the title of the sermon was "The 7 Best Decisions You'll Ever Make".

"For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

This beginning series takes a look at the power of our decisions and how they will determine our future, which is what I'm prayng this decision of moving here is doing for me. How our decisions give us direction which will determine our destiny. Pastor Johnston ran through the 7 notes on our decision making abilities and I was a note taking fool today... I felt refreshed, energized, and very loved once I left the church today and I know that it was no accident that I went there. I realize that after the rough little patch I had this week, that it was and will be for the best. God is refining me through this process of breaking me away from all things familiar and I am thankful that I am to rely solely on Him in order to help me through this transition. I only ask that you would say a prayer for me after reading this that I can receive His strength and guidance as to where He wants me to be in all of this.... this was a good day and the sun and wind reminds me that He's shining down on me and breathing His life into my lungs today...

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Pancakes are tasty.

Kelli Ann and Clan said...

Marcie, Marcie, Marcie...
SOOOOO jealous of all the culture you are experiencing. A little different from the cool clan hanging out at the 4 way stop sign, now that the weather is about 40 degrees. I hope you don't meet anyone like me, not to be selfish or anything!!! Sounds like you are really fitting in, what's that old song we used to sing in Brownies??? Make new friends, but keep the old....I'm not singing it cause I would sound like a DEAD JELLYBEAN??? We love ya Marcie!!!

Anonymous said...

Jellybeans are tasty too.

Rebecca C. said...

I had MANY breakdowns in Cali!!! You are tough though and if this is what you want it WILL come but change is difficult to say the least. I will be praying for you. While struggling in San Fran/Oakland I always held on to my belief that Thomas Wolfe (author) was wrong - you CAN go home.

kwise said...

oh this makes me so happy!! maybe that's where justin was when he was gone the other week : )

i knew you'd make friends fast. who WOULDN'T want to hang with you? i mean really!!!